Old hopes for a new year

2012 is tomorrow and I can't help but wonder if I am ready to leave 2011 behind. The year seems to pass so fast I don't know if I had lived it to the fullest. But I survived it. And I know I had good things directed my way. I don't intend to dwell on how 2011 has been, if I were to sum up 2011 in a few words, it would be 'fast and furious' because it is indeed very fast and the ride throughout had been furious. I've learnt my lessons.

So. For 2012 I hope to make it a more exciting year and I pray that opportunities will come my way. I wish to give more to others  and try to be happy. Really really happy, that is. I want to lead a simple and carefree life. I want to be positive and optimistic about things. I really want to step out of my cistern which I have so carefully built, and be able to take risks. I want to do something. I want to try something different, something which will bring me contentment; something which I can prove myself. And I hope to mend all friendships which I have neglected, buddies which I have taken granted of by making distance an excuse though they are all just a call away. I wish to be a better friend. 

May 2010 be kind and let's hope that it will be a more thrilling journey. Happy 2010!

Ulat Bulu

Saya tahu membezakan bila seorang lelaki itu hanya sekadar mengusik atau pun menggatal.

Bukanlah nak kata saya ni perasan, tapi mana-mana perempuan yang berada di tempat saya dan mengalami apa yang saya alami ini first-hand pasti setuju bila saya katakan yang lelaki yang sorang memang nak menggatal.

Saya tidak kisah kalau ada lelaki sms2 saya, biasalah nak berkawan. Saya ni tidaklah jual mahal. But when things started even so wrongly, you instantly knew that this guy is in for something. Saya tahu bila orang tu miang gatal bila sms sudah berbaur kegedikan dan membahasakan diri ‘I-you’. Padahal baru berjumpa pertama kali. Dan bagaimana dia dapat nombor saya, saya pun tidak tahu.

Dan yang paling buat saya menyampah geli-geleman ialah lelaki gatal sorang ni sudah berkahwin dan sudah pun mempunyai seorang anak. Bayangkan. Tidak putus-putus sms masuk seperti seorang yang sangat desperate nampaknya.

Saya terus katakan yang saya tidak selesa nak bersms dengan dia dan mengharapkan dia faham (Terfikir juga di benak fikiran bila saya tulis begitu dia fikir lain pulak. Nanti dia start calling2, lagi parah since I said I was not comfortable smsing with him). Nak tau apa dia balas? “Okay, I tak ganggu you, tapi I suka tengok you”.

Memang dasar lelaki miang gatal tak sedar diri.

How to Make the Most of Every Day

1. Stop worrying about things that may or may not happen in the future, and enjoy today.
2. Appreciate the people, things and opportunities you have in your life.
3. Be kinder than necessary, because everyone we meet is fighting some kind of battle.
4. Ask yourself, "what I want to do today" and go after it!
5. Do something just for you. Put yourself first!
6. Try your hardest at everything you do. Even when things don't work out, you'll  know you gave your all.
7. Focus on the positivity.
8. Say "THANK YOU" as often as you can.
9. Do something nice for someone else for no reason at all.
10. Tell people how much they mean to you. Dont Wait!

Catch My Fall

I really want to write an entry about how one should never make a person fall in love, when they can't catch that person's fall. all of them left me, you know. all of them. they left me for other girls, god knows who, and they left me because i was suddenly not "the one". when all along, they were making me fall for them. they promised me so many things that only stupid people like me would believe. they made it look like they loved me, when in truth, they didn't. and i see these things donkey years after they have left. why is it that i'm such a psychopath; until i can't see things as they are? why can't i sense that things are wrong when they just are? why is it that i refuse to see things in a bad light when it's so obvious that they're bad. why? because i always believe that they are way too nice to not catch my fall. that's why. they all leave and later come back, regretting, but what difference does it make, when they blow their second chance? all they do is let me fall, when they can't be there to catch me.

 

agree to disagree

It’s not easy to anger me. It’s not even easy to hurt me. But it doesn’t mean it’s utterly impossible.

I was more hurt earlier in the day, but I guess I’ve been able to shut it out somehow. I guess I don’t wonder why I am the way I am no more. Perhaps, just perhaps, I’ve been doing it all wrong, butting my nose where it needs no butting. Perhaps, I should just stop doing whatever I am doing because I just don’t know anymore.

I am not all that great of a person. Better still, I’m far from perfect. I guess that’s why we all live in this world symbiotically; leaning on each other for things we are unable to do or feel ourselves. I guess that’s why we’re all made with feelings and conscience and a heart that functions.

I do not understand many things, and at this point, I would perhaps stick with my stand to agree to disagree. I may not be the best person to judge the situation, but I have had that tiny organ inside of me ripped into pieces before. No heart surgeon could ever mend it. I have seen many others including yours ripped into tiny non-existent molecules. I have seen it all. And I do not plan to see any more coming.

I shall reiterate the fact that I do not understand a million and one things. I am not a great person and the rest of the people in the world around us are not all that great either. But we do our best because we can’t help but care for those we obviously care for. I was made to feel like I never did enough to deserve some credit for simply being there. Call me emotional, but I do try even if it seems like I don’t. I don’t want to think about it, but I see it all coming back to me. I’ve seen it all, and I don’t want to see it again.

It's Your Love...

Sometimes, you have to be apart from from people you love, but that doesn't make you love them less. Sometimes, you love them more. So, here for my loved ones, you know who you are. Remember, no matter how far I am from you guys, my love for you will never cease.

It's Your Love

Dancin' in the dark
Middle of the night
Takin' your heart
And holdin' it tight

Emotional touch
Touchin' my skin
And askin' you to do
What you've been doin' all over again

Oh, it's a beautiful thing
Don't think I can keep it all in
I just gotta let you know
What it is that won't let me go

It's your love
It just does somethin' to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under
oh It's your love

Better than I was
More than I am
And all of this happened
By takin' your hand

And who I am now
Is who I wanted to be
And now that we're together
I'm stronger than ever
I'm happy and free

Oh, it's a beautiful thing
Don't think I can keep it all in, no
And if you asked me why I changed
All I gotta do is say your sweet name

It's your love
It just does somethin' to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under
oh It's your love

Oh, it's a beautiful thing
Don't think I can keep it all in
I just gotta let you know
What it is that won't let me go

It's your love
It just does somethin' to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under
oh It's your love
It's your love
It's your love