A Letter To My Husband To Be Part 1

Assalamualaikum wbt,

My dear " Adam",

You don't have to drive any BMW or Mercedes or Skyline to be gorgeous. Be an Imam in prayers. That's how I define gorgeous. You don't have to have a nice voice and hush me with lovely songs to woo me. Recite the Kalamullah, Al-Quranul Kareem. That's how I would melt. You don't have to be rich to love me. But if you have all the above, it is from Allah. I would still love you anyway

Sincerely,

Your Love

"Hawa"

Worth it

When it's over, thats when we hit the ground again.

Holiday was fantastic. Alhamdulillah, Allah for the opportunity. Now, I'm back in the office trying to be useful for the company and to myself. 

what you don't know won't hurt you?

Is it true that people say, what you don’t know won’t hurt you?

To some extent, I think it’s true. That’s probably why I don’t ask questions because the truth hurts and sucks the life and energy out of you. But sometimes, knowing the truth is just what you need. It is in the truth that you see where you stand and in the truth is where you find answers that you’ve always been searching for.

I don’t know what it is that’s making me write this. But actually, I know. I just don’t want to tell. You might curse me for bringing it up when I never had the intention to disclose anything to begin with. I know you probably don’t understand what the hell I’m ranting about, but... I’ve just gone through something traumatic, I don’t know how I’m even going to start.

So, to make things simpler, I won’t start to tell at all.

Suffice to say... what you don't know won’t hurt you... so true... but if the truth is something you actually want to know and you discover it at a stage where everything is irreparable, then... the truth will hurt even more. If you get to know the truth at an early stage where you can mend fences and fix hearts, then, know the truth. What you know will hurt you, and the pain is better than not knowing. Not making sense? I know.

I know I’m just rambling. But ignore and leave if you don’t like it.

Will update later.

Dedicated to You

To the girl who practices patience in her everyday life,

To the girl who controls her temper, and guards her words,

To the girl who gives out sincere smile to strangers,

To the girl who brightens another person's life with her loving nature,

To the girl who has taken the wonderful step to cover herself in hijab,

To the girl who prays she will be given the strength to start donning the hijab,

To the girl who supports her friends for donning the hijab,

To any girl who wakes up wanting to be a better person today, than she was yesterday

And to anyone who does even an atom of goodness with a sincere heart,

To each and everyone of you,

Just remember:

In Jannah are things:

An eye has never seen,

An ear has never heard, 

A mind can’t even imagine.

(Hadith Sahih Bukhari)

A mind can't even imagine, MasyaAllah. Those beautiful mansions we wish were ours, the perfect fairytale wedding that we have dreamed of since we were small, the handbag(s) we drooled over - nothing compares to the ultimate reward of Jannah. I hope these short lines will inspire you to do good as it did me :)


Xx.

Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may cheat you;
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough;
Give your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

~ Mother Teresa~

Believe It

Ever since I was a little kid I have ALWAYS believed that something BIG awaits me in the future. I don't know what it is but I don't think I've experienced it yet. I hope I'm not blindly being optimistic here. But I do know that God has something big and good in store for me, insyaAllah. Provided that I work and pray, of course.

p/s: Pisceans are very passionate but we are big dreamers. That scares me a little.

The Most Precious Thing

The World and all the things in the world are precious, but the Most precious thing in the world is my FAMILY.



Them





Abah

No matter how much older and more mature I've become, my father will always be my pillar of strength. He reminds me that a father's love is often silent, yet strong, unexpressed but felt greatest when we needed him most. I love you :)





Mama

If there is one person who would never stop loving us - that would be our mom. The start of our relationship with our mother is already so special - they risked their lives to bring us into this world. Dare we ask for a greater start?

My mother, is nothing less than spectacular. And I'm my mommy's girl. I dont know what I'll do without her. I love you :)



Nadia

We grew up and found comfort in knowing that although we are different, and can never be quite the same, we are who we are and love each other as is. And with you, I find comfort in the silence that engulfs us. :)





Najwa aka Minnie Mousey

You make my heart melt with your silly gestures and you make me think about all the things I have never thought of thinking. You inspire me to a point where I wonder where is the little girl have hidden. You teach me that love comes in many different forms. You make my heart soar :)





Naqiuddin & Nabil ( Elmy and Elmo)

I will never find brothers who will hug me in public, let me hold their hands when I'm walking in the mall, knock some sense in me when I need most sense, and protects me from all evil they could possibly proctect me from. Im blessed to have you guys.  ;)



Hopefully, I would be able to take care of them with as much love as they did me. I love all of you. I really, really do.

A Quarter and A Year

I was thinking earlier of how much FB effects our lives. I thought I knew how much, but apparently, it is a lot, lot more than I thought.

There are many reasons why we log on to FB. Some people find pleasure in uploading photos after photos of themselves and their daily activities. Some people love to tweet on FB. Some people spam other people's walls with nonsensical posts. Some check on their partners. Some flirt with other people's partners. And some others (like myself) are onlookers who like to stay on the outside looking in.

Considering the huge role that FB plays in our lives, it's really no wonder that most people can't function without it. For whatever reason it serves them. Because for people like me, one other huge role FB plays is to remind me of anniversaries, events and last but never least - BIRTHDAYS. I normally can't really remember my own.

And considering how terrible of a daughter/ sister/ friend I have been of late (that I have been so engrossed with my life aka work), I'm really surprised that some people remembered even without the aid of FB. Thank you for remembering me. Thank you for all the sweet and thoughtful wishes and prayers for me. I received phone calls and messages from friends whom I have not heard of in eons! I'm so thouched that they remembered me on my day and wished me well, despite my incessant silence and disappearance.

I know now that no matter what happens, there will be at least two handfuls of people who will genuinely be happy for my happiness and well- being.

It's amazing to be 26 ! Alhamdulillah. I am grateful that I have been given the oppotunity to stay on earth. To receive sweet revelations and to seek repentence.  I am grateful for people around me who love me ~ simply because of who I am, and not for who I try to be.

It's an amazing feeling.

Thank you Najwa, Naqi, Hairi for being one of the first to wish me. For sleeping past your bedtime (Hairi only, coz Najwa and Naqi doesnt sleep early, they are the Burung Hantu of the family) just so you could sing me a " Happy Birthday" song, only to be greeted with a groggy girl from the other side of the line (yes, I slept at 9.30pm)

And thank you, thank you and you. All for having super sweet and kind thoughts for me. Okay, I feel like crying. It's been a wonderful day! :) And I've had a wonderful life and rejoicing.

P/S: I am blessed with loving, happy, thoughtful family, my other half, bestfriends, good friends, friends,Ketua Pengarah,Big boss, colleagues, ex-students, ex-colleagues, surrounding me. I really wouldn't want it any other way.

True Love

" A woman's heart should be so lost in the love of Allah that a man has to seek Him in order to find her. And when he finds her, Allah will put love and mercy between their hearts and that is a sign of Allah's divinity, for those who truly belief".

Interesting quote dont you think?

Sometimes, we strive so hard to get someone we forgot that while we can plan our life, Allah has plans for us too. And indeed, Allah is the best planner :)

Behind Every

Behind every "Im Fine",
there's something wrong.

Behind every "it's ok,
there's a sense of belonging.

Behind every silence,
there's doubt.

Behind every lie,
there's pain.

Behind every "I Love You",
there's something that you want.

Behind every word you say,
there's anger rising.

Sometimes you have to accept what you get, because you can't change what's meant to be,
So, just put a big smile on your face, and pretend there's no pain at all or it will just hurt more.

Mom and Dad

" Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old".  

Reciprocate

Priority.

1. The fact or condition of being regarded as more important, a thing regarded as more important than others.

Sometimes we make other people our priority. But we often make that mistake where we hope that they would reciprocate by making us theirs as well.

And, ys, I am fed up and this must be because I am tired (of everything).

I need to breathe deeply before I explode.

Please Tell Me..

That i am in a good hand? Just convince me that I am not wrong. I will love you with all of my heart and soul, I will give you everything you need.


Should I wait till one day, you turn yourself against me, and I will be left alone and heartbroken? That's all i need.


Will you be my kindest and most loyal entourage? You wont leave me bruised, and you wont let me walk alone without you right?


If you promise me to, then I will get you out of the shelf :).


Awak cantik sangat la kasut!

Random Moments

In life, there are random moments like these.

These moments when we feel like we've been reading someone like a book. So much so that we feel like we know them, though we don't. But we still feel some kind of connection, somehow.

And we find ourselves wondering - what the hell happened?

And realise that it really is none of our business.

So, the only thing left to do is to wish them well and have courage that they will take things better than we ever could. Simply because they can, no matter how they plan on doing it.

The Memory Keeper

Its monday morning and here I am in the office. I do not know what is causing me to not want to go out for breakfast this morning as i normally would but I have faith that it is a good reason, whatever it may be.

Everytime I go online, it's like I have a thousand words all ready in my head.

It's just sometimes, I find myself I am lost for words despite those 1000 words. I am in a reflecting mood. I am reflecting all that I have done in the past years, way back to those times when I started to remember. I am a memory keeper.

After all these days perhaps couple of weeks I have been away from my blog, I have come to realise more and more that I am a memory keeper and that I have this storage in my head whose capacity I cannot gauge. There is so much in here (my head), I’m not sure whether I love it or hate it at this point.

Point is, I am in a reflecting mood. I am thinking of all I have said and done and I wonder about how it has affected people, in general.

So, now that I am here, reflecting and remembering oh so many things, I would like to apologise for all that I have said and done. Because I am sure that there are other memory keepers out there as well who simply cannot forget or let go of what I have said to them or any wrong I have done to them. Intentionally or not.

Memory keeper needs to get back to work right now because memory keeper was not paid to think of memories at work. Memory keeper is way random today. Way random.

Everybody's Changing

Reminiscence.

I began today with reminiscence. I probably will begin everyday with reminiscence from now onwards.

I left old songs to loop and eventually, I left Everybody’s Changing to play on its own.

It was such a long time ago. It has been so long since the last time I heard that song. But that doesn’t make the song any less important or less significant in any way.

Nice song, isn’t it?

It’s a wonder how songs can affect us and how some songs can tell us more stories about ourselves more than the rest. And although that chapter of my life has now passed, I still remember some things every time it plays. Hmm.

Moving on. Work has been kind of hectic of late. I have been sleeping a lot and have trouble waking up every morning. The weather is to blame, of course. It gets so cold at night that the only thing you can think of the moment the alarm rings is to snuggle deeper into your duvet because that seems like the right thing to do. Although it’ll cost you and you know it. We’re such weird creatures, don’t you think?

But be that as it may, we all change. And right now, everybody’s changing and I don’t feel the same.

But that’s okay. We’ll all change and we won’t feel the same. And that, we can’t control.

What we can determine, though, is whether for better or for worse.

I’d go for better, any time. Of course, dengan izin Allah. InsyaAllah ;)

Favourite Quote

I've learned that MONEY DOESN'T BUY CLASS!

I've learned that the people you care most about life are taken from you too soon & all the less important ones just never go away.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just asshole.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.

I've learned that family & friends are what makes us who we are today and without them we would never be complete.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

Pawn

Every pawn is a potential queen.

Allah has given each and every one of us, our own potentials.

To be a queen, the pawn has to cross the board having face much obstacles and possibility of self-sacrifice along the way.

Trials and tribulations have a way in unleashing those potentials locked tight deep within us.

May Allah keep us strong and patient in facing our tests of life:)