Three Words For You...

I can't believe after almost two years, I still experience this butterflies whenever I'm meeting him.  That whenever he flashes that smile of his, I blush and my heart drums so loud my chest feels like exploding. Wow!

I don't know what you do babe, but I am so in love with you. And I am amazed by you

Emo. Emotions. Emotional

We are humans born with emotions. Emotions colour our lives and emotions make us human so to speak.

We laugh because we're happy. Because we're tickled by some things which we think is funny.

We cry not only because we're sad or down, or because we're hurt, but also because miracles do happen. That He does answers our prayers.

We get angry because we're mad or because we don't get get what we want.

What I'm trying to say is, our emotions are perfectly mould to the right occassions and the right circumstances.

But I don't blame people when their moods gone wrong and they can get a liltle bit emotional. That they get angry more than they should be. That crying is deemed more appropriate than trying to laugh out at their problems. I can absolutely understand that. After all, it's personal. Everyone 's gone through that. I've been through it, too.

However, what I don't get is why would you lash others just because you're having a hard time with yourself or God- knows- what? It makes people feel so offended. And, it's not the first time, thank you. It's been countless times already that it's left me clueless with your attittude. We're not born to put up with your with your unforeseen tornado.

Please don't let me lose my patience because I gotta tell you it's wearing thin.

Stop being so emo. It makes you inhumane.

Change, is it?

We always say that people change. She has changed. He has changed. S has changed. I mean, if we really care, we'd stop and ponder about this "change" we so often blurt out whenever our close acquaintances, friends or relatives, show the signs.

That we're not on the same wavelength, we don't go to the usual place anymore, or our opinions differ for that matter.

Often, we hear married people after years of being married to one another, living together complaining how their spouses have changed. I mean, really? Because if we really care to stop and ponder, people don't change as time goes by, but time reveals  of who they really are.

So yes, think about it. We don't change, but our true colours begin to emerge and that is the revelation.

HWTT

"I may not have even half of your experience. But at least I know that I have at least twice your conscience".

I'm young. I'm driven. I love working. I love my job.

By the " standard definition", I don't fit in as a Government Servant very well.

Because aren't Government Servants supposed to be lazy and stupid?

Well, I admit to a certain extent, I don't blame the public for thinking that, but that is most definitely something I intend to change.

But, it kills me. It kills me to change a cultur which has been there since time immemorial. Like someone wise once said, " Its like trying to push a huge rock, which refuses to move".

There are still many free riders. Still many people who don't care much for their work. Or have no pride in the things they produce.

Granted, those things aren't so important around here. The only assessment is the Year End Assessment. Which, if you excel at, would only improve your morale. Not your pay, nor bonus.

Because around here, everyone is treated equally, irrespective of their performance. Or contribution.

So, when your actions do not hurt your pocket, it's something not worth the headache, right?

But, it's something which hurts others. It hurts other's youth. Others' personal time. Others' right to spend quality time with their family without worrying that they might have to rush back and check their emails.

While we have been  taught that it is important to respect the elder, when the elder think lightly if their responsibilities, to me, they can kiss their respect from me goodbye.

I don't think I would hesitate to give them a piece of my mind the next time I see them.

Because to me, no matter how idealistic it is, everyone should know their place in the world.

We've all a role to play. If you don't play yours, I have to take over.

It's not that I don't want to learn. It's also not because I hate my job. How many times have I mentioned that I love my job?

Did you think I was being sarcastic?

The very thing I am doing right now is to take it all like a sponge. A bottomless one, if you like.

"High Work Tolerance Threshold" is plastered to my head,

And that's the very thing people use against me.

There are times when all I want to do is act dumb, play stupid.

And trust me, even that's an effort on my part.

I simply cannot. It makes my head ache. More than alot of work does.

Sometimes, I don't know how some people can live with themselves.

But, maybe, just maybe, the system is to blame.

Because it lets those people get away. It condones.

Because there are people like me who don't mind doing the job at a much lower pay.

If you think Government Servant have it easy, they most certainly don't.

The next time you feel like saying something foul about Government Servants, think twice. And twice again.

Think of me and how i had to the office on Sunday morning. Think of me and how I stayed in the office until midnight to get our work done.

And of course, I never meant to get personal. But each time ou think it's fine or even fun to condemn a Government Servant, think again.

Think of me and everything I said. The reason why I'm still here is because of my HWTT. And because I believe that if someone had to change the way things worked, it could be me.

Specially Dedicated

Bad day, down time, messy mind, negative energy, losing belief, self- worth draining, giving up.


But it takes a minute, by one who knows me well, to pull me up, make me laugh, and soon I feel like I'm walking tall again.


Tell me, what should I do without you?


Much Love
xxxxxxxxx

Its not there

Lately, I don't feel fulfilled- or maybe I've finally realised that I don't accomplish much. This bareness I'm feeling makes me anxious, makes me want to venture more but I can't quite unveil the vagueness.

I wish I am more of an opportunist. I know that I can do so much by just stepping out of my cistern. But I don't. And they say, things won't come dropping from the sky by just wishing. You have to work for it - and that's the root of all my problems.

I have been grappling too. On quite a number of things, actually. Makes me wonder whether I have sidetracked that much. I yearn for something. I long for that hole to be filled in. I miss that soothing feeling that pulls me back, whenever I know I have gone a tad too far astray.

I want that familiar contentment. Where is it, I wonder?

Familiar Fantasy

You have an image of driving, but simply driving away. To drive and then to stop. To a motel, to another city, another state probably. Anonymity. Freedom.

It is a fantasy, one so familiar because you've had such ever since you were twenty. It's just that you've never indulged in it, never once gotten into a car and driven just to see where the road would take you, stopping when you want to, no destination, no time constraints. There have been moments in your life when such a thing might have been arranged.

And yet you have never done it.

Lines

Strangely Some lines are not drawn. But I guess that's not because they aren't there, but simply because they are to be understood. But, when undrawn lines were not seen, how does someone redraw that line so that it becomes crystal clear? That's the thing. Some people are just so oblivious that some things hurt. Or maybe it's not obvious that it does?

Some people might think nothing of something, yet those things might mean the world to others. I'm at that stage where the simplest of things rile me and when my undrawn lines are crossed, its very difficult to certain my patience. It becomes even more difficult to make sense of anything.

Gratitude

Asking for help doesn't come easily for me, so you'd better believe that, if I actually do make a request, I've exhausted all other options. Normally, I would try my best to sort whatever it is myself before turning to others. I don't feel great about making myself beholden to people when I know I can do it myself. That's just who I am.

Having said that, it is no surprise that when I need help, I don't really know how to. Stringing suitable words prove to be difficut as I'm not used to it. Sigh!

Dearest You

Dearest You,

I always take time. I take time to learn something, I take time to do something, as most of the time I will only do things that I like first, I take time to search for lost things, I take time to heal, and also, I take time to love. I always take my own sweet time where all these things are concerned. I do things I love the most first, and the rest will be done at my own sweet time.

I told you; I take time to love. I take so long that at times, by the time I’m actually in love, that person is gone, long gone.

I’m glad you’re here to know what I feel right now. I’m so glad you aren’t gone, and that you were patient enough to know that this feeling can exist, will exist, even if I do take my own sweet time.

You should know one thing though, that I never did intentionally take time. I just do. Don’t know why.

I came to realize, like really realize that I can never do without you the last time you came. For some reason, I felt closer to you than ever. I don’t know if it was the distance the entire month before that made me feel that way, but it definitely felt better; stronger.

I guess I came to realize that we were more than just a couple; and that we are actually friends. Good friends, in fact. I came to realize that there were so many things we could talk about and that we could talk everyday, and it still didn’t bore us; or at least I wasn’t bored anyway. I also realized that despite the constant arguments and bickering sessions we had and still have; we do really care about each other.

I guess I’ve known that I love you for quite some time now. But of late, I just discovered how much. And now, I want you to know.

Love, Me

On an awesome quote:

I was struck by this when I watched Madagascar.

"Listen Moto, Moto. You better treat this lady like a queen because you my friend, you found yourself the perfect woman. It I was ever so lucky to find the perfect women, I would give her flowers, everyday and not just flowers, okay? Her favourites are orchids, white and breakfast in bed... Six loaves of wheat toast with butter on both sides, no crust. The way she likes it.

I'd be her shoulder to cry on and her best friend and I'd spend everyday trying to think of how to make her laugh. She has the most, most amazing laugh. Well. that's what I would do if I were you.

All of it coming out from the mouth of a giraffe. It was awesome. Worth seeing the film just for that.:)

Daddy

I love You, Dad

What can you say to someone who has always been one of the essential parts of your world?

 Someone who took you by the hand when you were little and helped to show the way?

What do you say to someone who stood by to help you grow providing love, strength and support?

So, you could become the person you are today?

What can you say to let him know that he's the best there is?

And that you hope you've inherited some of his wisdom and his strength?

What words would you say if you ever got the chance?

Maybe just say, I love you, Dad.

And hope he understands.

Mama

Dearest Mama,


I really wished that we had more time...
I really wished that life weren't so hectic...
And I really that we could just sit, look at each other and talk like we always do..


Mama, you are close to heart although I dont always tell you
Mama, I'm sorry that I hurt you sometimes...
Mama, thank you for your patience...
Mama, I will never be even half as good as you are..
Mama, I don't know what I'll do without you...
I'm sorry I'm bad sometimes though I try very hard not to be..

I love you ma, I really do.....

Brains on Fire

Been sneezing like anything these past few days. Sigh! Really hoping to get rid of my flu by tomorrow. So, what have I been up to lately?


I still have abundance of work to finish. I'm not going to write about it here. At least not today. I'm taking a break from everything LGM. Just thinking of work makes me shudder and....well, slump.


You know what? I really believe that being positive gives you greater positivity in return. My life has been full of struggles, and no matter how many falls, dissapointment and tears I had to go through, I am proud to have always tried my best and let Allah decide. For any of you who is feeling down at the moment, please believe me that everything happens for a reason, a reason we might not understand at this point of time, but is actually the best for our lives. Stay positive and the universe will multiply that positivity for you.


 Till then, Nadhyrah, remember that " Whether its a heart attack or heartbreak, just like Broadway, the show must go on"!